My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
