Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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We left the knife in your bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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