My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
