my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
