I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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