I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Alive.
So much puke
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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