So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
