More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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