my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
