um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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