my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
