Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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