Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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