He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
