I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize