Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
