He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
