I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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