PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
