I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
