she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
