2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
