in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
