He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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