The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
