I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
