alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
