At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I only lived at night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
