So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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