I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
