I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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