I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
