This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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