took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
