Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
