I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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