the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
