stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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