D3 body, D1 cock
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
did i just pee glitter
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
