I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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