Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
