Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
