mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
