My room smells like vodka and shame
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
