Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
