Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
