He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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