i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
