In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
