Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
