My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize