my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
