I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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