is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
