capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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