help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
