I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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